What I want to learn

WOW.....  there are so many things I could say about what I want to learn.

A real physical thing I want to learn is to play my mandolin.  I bought one, several years ago when I received a couple of gift cards.  I have always wanted to play one; especially after I learned my grandfather played.  As a guitar player of 45 years, I thought it would be easy to pick it up and play.  Sadly, I haven't even played the guitar in a year or so.  Just don't have the time.  Yes, I have read all the inspirational blogs about making time for the things you love, take time for yourself, etc.  But, I still homeschool one child and take an interest in listening to and helping my adult daughter.  I spend time with my husband.  I help make this a home, working on chores both inside and out.  I have my own business. I am the primary caregiver to our dog and cat.  I am the volunteer market manager for our farmers market.  I am active in our homeschool community.  I am a volunteer in the summer for a library program......  and I enjoy it all......  however, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I do require some sleep.....

However, I am taking steps in the right direction.....Tuesday, I am getting my 12 string guitar restrung.  I have made that decision.  And yes, I could buy the strings and do it myself.  But, time vs money comes in and I think, no, I KNOW, if I just buy the strings, it will never get done.  And then, after I get my mind wrapped around making music again, I can think about new music.....

Our Farmers Market

The non-physical thing I want to learn is how to back away from situations that will eat up my time and my energy.  Balance.  And I am starting.  But, I see things that need to be done, or should be done, and I just have to do it. Thus, how I ended up at the volunteer market manager.

One thing I should learn is how to declutter....... If you hold it in your hands and it doesn't give you joy, give it away, I have heard......  but, that makes no sense to me, and made me laugh.  Do my socks give me joy?  Not really, but I need them.  Do the old documents that I have to keep for tax purposed give me joy.  Definitely not.....but the I need to keep them, too.  I don't have room for the two gallons of apple juice I bought because it is cheaper, but does it give me joy?

So, much to learn.....and although some days I feel like the proverbial old dog, much of the time I feel young (until a new mom at the homeschool group says incredulously "your're HOW OLD?").  And able to change and grow and learn.....

So, lets see what our other bloggers want to learn!

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/06/20/learn/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/06/ju...

Kathleen Krucoff ~ http://wp.me/pA5jX-PR

What I am looking forward to....

I've thought a lot about this.  From a "world" point of view.  From a local point of view.  Spiritual.  Physical.  A purely mental, "high plane" point of view.....

And then, it was really down to the wire.  What do I look forward to?






























And I guess it is the fact that this month, I will be married to the love of my life for 20 years that finally decided it.  I am looking forward to more time with the ones I love.  My husband is the most amazing, caring man.  A good father, hard worker, he inspires me, makes me think, we work well together and I can't imagine my life without him.

Not everyone can say they like their children.  But, I am fortunate that I can say I do.  My daughter is talented and kind and just a wonderful young woman.  

Our son is equally wonderful.  He is full of life and energy and love.  His smile is the best thing on earth.

And then there are the animals.  I have to include them, as they make our life fuller and lend humor to our world. 

 And our businesses.  Recently, Steven and I did a show together.  

And the other aspects of our simple, yet full life....eating good food, gardening, playing and just being together......that's what I am looking forward to.

 So, lets see what our other bloggers are looking forward to:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/forward-2/

Kathleen Krucoff: http://wp.me/pA5jX-Pv

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/05/ma...

Favorite Songs

WOW......  I started thinking about this one at the beginning of it being posted, and the more I thought, the more songs I felt as though I had to include..... You see, I love music.  Used to love playing music.  Ok, still do, but not as much.  Love it that my daughter is a musician/songwriter (http://hubbellwoodstudios.wix.com/gracehubbell#!music/ck0q).  And do we love the music we love because of our past or what we hope for our future.

My first song I remember learning was "the Battle of New Orleans".  I was probably around 3.  I still remember most of the lyrics.

"we fired our guns till the barrel melted down, then we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round, we filled his head with cannon balls and powdered his behind, and when we touched the powder off, the gater lost his mind".....wow, what a song.....

There are songs I love because they remind me of where I have been and who I no longer am:

"I guess I'll go out to the edge of the earth

But don't you come looking for me until you hear these words 

'cause out on the edge, see the long way down, 

Baby I'm thinking 'bout jumping 'cause it's easier then turning around 

I've been too long locked in shackles and chains 

Too long lost in the driving rain" - Darden Smith

"She wants to run away, But there's nowhere that she can go
Nowhere the pain won't come again, But she can hide, hide in the pouring rain
She rides the eye of the hurricane" - David Wilcox

Or crazy parts of our life like the time I was asked to play for the first Martin Luther King Day Celebration while I was in the military.....I played a 60's peace song (Blowing in the Wind) without a second thought.  It didn't go over well.

There is music I love because the artists were so much a part of my life, like Dan Fogelberg whose life was cut short by cancer.  Who else could write such a magnificent song like "To the Morning" - "watching the sun, watching it come up over the rooftop, cloudy and warm, maybe a storm, you can never quite tell from the morning"

Or James Taylor, whose music has followed me all my days with never a bad song (except maybe candy man). 

Lyrics from some musicians are never far from my heart because of their meaning.  I want to help change the world and music could be the way:

"I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people leading ordinary lives

Filled with love, forgiveness, compassion and sacrifice" - Tracy Chapman

"It's a hard life, it's a hard life it's a very hard life
It's a hard life wherever you go
If we poison our children with hatred
Then, the hard life is all that they'll know" - Nanci Griffith

"Was he thinkin' about my country, or the color of my skin?
Was he thinkin' 'bout my religion, and the way I worshipped him?
Did he create just me in his image, or every living thing?

When God made me, when God made me" - Neil Young

There are songs that make me feel good:

"When I grow up a want to be a tree, I want to make my home with the birds and bees" - John Gorka 

"If all my luck ran out tomorrow, I would say that I have had my share...... all the rest is just like gravy on the table, I will pour and pass as long as I am able" - John Gorka

(note....Gorka has some of the most clever lyrics I have ever heard.....  I love all his songs...if you like well written lyrics, definitely look him up.)

Or, 

"Cause I'm the son of a 3rd generation farmer, I've been married 10 years to the farmer's daughter
I got 2 boys in the county 4-H, I'm a lifetime sponsor of the FFA
Hey that's what I make, I make a lot of Hay for a little pay, and I'm proud to say
I'm a God fearing hardworking combine driver, Hogging up the road on my p-p-p-p-plower
Chug-a-lug-a-lugin 5 miles an hour, On my International Harvester." -  Craig Morgan

(note....having grown up in farm country, this makes me smile every time I hear it)

And the ones that make us cry.  I remember having to pull over on the side of the road and cry when I first heard this song:

"Saints preserve us, Wherever we might fall
This is all too big a mystery
I remember I was standing in the corner of the room
Saying "Look at how she's leaving us, So quietly so soon" " - Marc Cohen

I also love songs about farming and about how the lives of farmers are changing and how hard that life sometimes is:

"Some people pray for victory, Some people pray for peace
Some people pray for extra time, Some pray for sweet release
Some pray for health and happiness, For riches and renown
But none of this will matter much, If the waters don't come down" -  Don Henley

Or 

"There's houses in the fields, No prayers for steady rain this year
Houses in the fields, There's houses in the fields
And the last few farms are growing out of here" -  John Gorka

Lately, I have been listening to a local radio station that plays a very eclectic mix.....and I heard a  new to me artist.  Tim Chauvin.  I bought his CD, he is an independent artist, and really liked all his songs:

"and you will wake up every morning, to a life you know so well, 

to the hope in every row depending on yourself.

Farming's in your blood, like your dad and his dad, too.

And just as they did, you know, you'll just make do"

And I found a new to me Jackson Browne CD, that spoke to me and to my times RIGHT NOW, even though it was written almost 30 years ago:

".....And I ain't no communist, And I ain't no capitalist
And I ain't no socialist, And I ain't no imperialist
And I ain't no democrat, And I sure ain't no republican
I only know one party, And it is freedom" 

So, I couldn't ever pick a favorite song...or even  five.....no more than I can pick a favorite flower.

And now, lets see what the others in our group have written:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/04/20/sing-with-me-april-blog-o-sphere-think-tank/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/04/ap...

Robyn Hawk

Diana Bell: http://bellsprings.blogspot.com/201...

Five Things On My Mind

1)  My children:

I have two children, 19 and 9.  They are great kids...almost all the time.  They are two different people, not just because one is a girl (woman almost) and one is a boy, one a young adult and one a child.  No, they are different personalities.  So different.  So, parenting them has made us use different techniques.  I worry about them.  I worry that I am being a responsive, responsible, loving parent.  That I am doing right by them.  They are on my mind all the time.

2)  My business:

I have been in business for almost 20 years now.  It started small with four soap scents, a lip balm and a body balm.  Now, I have multiple scents, in different formalae and a plethora of products.  It is getting harder to compete in this crazy world.  For example, I am looking at a new ingredient for one of my product lines, and asked the vendor if it was "all natural".  He sent back to me a chain of emails culminating in one that was a long paragraph, with lots of technical terms, explaining how the product was "initially" from macadamia nut oil, then they "blah, blah, blah" to it, so yes, it is naturally derived and "natural" is hard to define.  I responded to my first contact, that if it takes a paragraph to answer a yes or no question, the answer was no.   However, it is hard to compete in a world where people travel down a slippery slope to make money.  Other companies in my area are talking how their products are "all natural" using "naturally derived" ingredients.   (yes, I will actually use the ingredient, but my information to my customers is that it is NOT all natural)

3)  My town:

I moved to Dripping Springs almost 22 years ago.  It was a sleepy small town.  I moved here because it was.  It was 15 miles down a state highway to the edge of Austin.  Then, they voted to make our county "wet" (you could sell alcohol).  Then they got a new wastewater plant.  Now, we have big box stores galore, a well lit night sky, and three bars on the old main street plus a dance hall.  At last count, 8000 new homes to be built.  And the wastewater plant wasn't big enough,so now they are building a BIGGER one, which will discharge its effluent to a waterway that replenishes an major aquifer.  This week, we went to the park, and I was SHOCKED.  A new subdivision is going in next to the park.....high density.  They RIPPED out all the trees of the acreage next to the park, put in a construction entrance and bulldozed down the vegetative buffer between the park and the construction.  All day at the park, we heard heavy equipment and the sky was hazy with dust.  And there is nothing anyone outside the city limits can do about it all.

4)  Society:

WOW.....every day I am amazed.  Used to be, there were the "seven words you can't say on TV".....  now, they have movies, geared to young people where those words are used and used again.  We have lost our genteel nature.  We have lost being polite. Obscenity, violence, cussing....its everywhere!   Its on my mind a lot as I preview the movies, books and music my 9 year old can view/read/listen to.  "But everyone talks that way" I am told.  No, I don't talk that way, my HUSBAND doesn't talk that way, my DAUGHTER doesn't talk that way.....

5)  what else:


As if I could worry more?!?!?!?!   However, a new thing that I discovered recently and I have been thinking about, not a major issue, but one that caught my thought was old music vs new music.  I haven't really found a new artist I like as much as I liked old musical artists.  And, as I was listening to an old Loggins and Messina (WHO? I had several moms ask me today at the park) CD, I had a flash as to why I like old music.  As a musician, I listen closely to the guitar and harmonies.  Harmonies now are not a "close" as they used to be, if they even exist.  And in the "old days", as you listen to older cd's you can still hear the slight scratch of fingers on strings as they change chords.  Now a-days, all that is "cleaned up", digitized, and the bass or percussion is not even a live instrument.  Just something less critical on my mind......

And, now lets see what is on the minds of the other bloggers in this group:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/thoughts/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/02/five-things-on-my-mind-february-blog-o.html

Kathleen Krucoff ~ http://wp.me/pA5jX-OB

Robyn Hawk: http://flyviewsandreviews.blogspot.com/

Beth Cyr: http://BethCyr.com/blog

Impact

This month's post is on what has impacted me recently.  Its been a crazy couple of months.  And things have happened that have led me to introspection.  A death in the family, reacquainting myself with family members and trying to understand and keep in touch with them.

Yin yang moon

I had a birthday.  56 this year; not a major milestone.  I have met people this year who asked me about my age, then said "REALLY, you are that old? And you have a 9 year old?  How did that happen?"  It makes me laugh.  Most days.  My son who is 9; my daughter who is 19.  They keep me young at heart.  Stages and phases, circles and cycles (as Willie Nelson would say).




And with this, was thoughts of family.  Immediate family, extended family, past family, my circle of friends who are close and who are sister-like, my farmer's market group.  I looked at the old slides my father took, going back to the 40's while I made copies of them for my sister and a nephew.

My mother and I, about 1961

Then, an offer came from Ancestry.com to have a free 14 day trial.  Why not, I said to myself.  The new year is starting, my business is at a slow point.  So, I joined.

Funny thing about my family.  My husband can trace his roots back to 1648, when the first "Hubbell" came across the Atlantic.  My side, it stopped, for all intensive purposes, at my grandparents.  I have pictures in boxes "George Moses, sitting in the place he was born".  But WHERE WAS THAT????

I don't know what I hoped to find, but I stared, fascinated, at an on-line copy of my grandfather's draft card. The Bell/Heichelbeck (Heichelbech?) side went further and further back.....  parents who begat children.....the same names......Susan, John, Joseph, Ralph.....over and over....  I traced one set to Germany and France.

Mamie (my paternal grandmother), my Aunt Rosie, and my Greatgrandmother Addie....all on my father's side

My paternal grandfather, Pop

 Then, the other side, the Syrian side.  The family I look like.  "You are just like your grandmother" my mother would say when I picked/dried herbs.  I am short and have the olive skin in summer, the syrian nose.

There was a story that my grandmother entered this country illegally.  There was something intriguing about that story.  A young woman, maybe 13, maybe 18 (depending on which records you want to believe) entering this country on her own.  I could not find where any of my great grand parents came into this country from the Syrian side.  I found where they recorded the people living on my grandparents farm after they bought it.  Census forms, listing names and ages of the children (my mother and aunt and uncles)... a boarder on the farm.....then my Great Uncle Charlie appears on one form living on the farm when he was in his late 20's.  My grandmother had to report on a census that she did not read or write English, and came here in 1913, from where I don't know.  My grandfather reports his home town is Bteghrine   Bits and pieces, come together.

I still have no idea about that side of the family....but the research has made me dream (literally) about the middle east, and wonder about my past, still more.  Will I ever know?  Can I stand some day where my grandparents walked, or will the war there go on forever?

But, the family research has made me think about the past, about who I am.  Who will my children grow up to be.  And what do I want to introduce them to in those family/ethic traditions.  To fulfill a piece of this, I need to go to Austin.....Today.  To the Phoenician Bakery and Deli.  Time to buy me some imported olive oil, eat olives and get some halawa......and let my son sample the olives, too.

And, lets see what has impacted others in our group:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/01/20/impacted/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/01/strongly-affected-strongly-impacted.html

Kathleen Krucoff ~ http://wp.me/pA5jX-O5

Beth Cyr: http://www.bethcyr.com/blog/

Looking Forward

This screen has been sitting open on my computer for hours while I do other things and think about "looking forward".  And I am torn.  There are things that are going to happen this year as I look forward to the future, they are inevitable, and there are things I am looking forward to happening this year.  Yeah, get the difference?

So, the things that are going to happen whether I like it or not include my wonderful daughter being independent and moving out.  A natural course of events, but still makes me sad.....  talented and wonderful and beautiful.....  her, not me.  And my son getting older and growing up.  Honestly, they were babies.....just yesterday! And this means, of course, that my grey hair is not just premature grey, but I, too am getting older.

But what am I looking forward to as the the mist rises on a new year?

 Well, cooking for one.  The "business" year for me is almost over, so I have some time to read and cook.











And then, since January is pretty slow, I am will be testing new fragrances and scent blends for my soaps.   I will be testing new oils for the soaps, too.  After reading much about palm oil and the devastation of the ecosystem by palm plantations, I want to stop using palm oil in my products.

Gardening is always up there on my list of things I look forward to. Being with my sweet husband and helping him.

 Hanging out with the animals, even when they don't want to hang out with each other.

 And continuing my running.  Each time I have run a 5K, I do better.  I am more a basset hound than a grey hound, but I still enjoy it.

A pretty simple life.  Right now, making chili and listening to the owls outside the window.....looking forward to supper and being with my family.

Peace on earth would be nice, acceptance and non judgement would be, too.

But, I just do what I can in my own little world.....maybe joining the citizen protest of the dumping of wastewater in the creek over our local aquifer............  hmmmm.......














So, now let us see what our other bloggers are looking forward to:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2015/12/20/forward/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2015/12/december-blog-o-sphere-think-tank.html

Kathleen Krucoff ~ https://mysticalmythicalmetalwork.wordpress.com/2015/12/20/what-i-am-looking-forward-to/

Beth Cyr - http://www.bethcyr.com/blog/

Reflections on a trip

A call came from my brother.  I almost could not understand him.  His wife of almost 40 years had died.  All their kids would be there, and my sister from Alaska was flying in.  I made plans to finish works in progress and go to Illinois.  I promised him I would be there for the saying of the rosary  on Friday night.  So, Friday morning, I started my journey, both actual and metaphorical.  825 miles.  Seems like a lot of miles to drive, but sometimes the journey back to where I was raised is even further.

Thirteen hours from when I started, I was in Illinois, hugging my niece and nephews, my brother and sister.  Family friends.  Rosary was said and we convened to the old farmhouse to eat.  Much of our lives there were lived around meals, it seems.  Weddings and funerals, holidays and regular days, all reasons to eat good food.  

The grave was opened and closed by her children and their spouses.  From my father to his son's children, we have dug and filled graves.  And this one was no exception, although a sadder task by far.  A funeral with tears and stories, prayers and the scent of flowers.  Then the meal (again), this time made by the women of the local church.  Food for the body and soul.    

Late night drives back to the motel, across the river, my mind as blurry as the pictures I took.  Early morning breakfasts with my sister and her husband.  Not much sleep to be had, and even when I was in my bed, my mind was too busy to sleep.  Listening and talking, sharing histories, sorting memories.  Rebuilding bridges.  Hoping forgiveness was found for all my faults and hurts that I may have caused.  

Then it was time to go again, back to Texas, to my little farm house and home to my husband and children.  Foggy morning, giving way to skittering leaves with the passing vehicles and roadside hawks watching my passage.