Impact

This month's post is on what has impacted me recently.  Its been a crazy couple of months.  And things have happened that have led me to introspection.  A death in the family, reacquainting myself with family members and trying to understand and keep in touch with them.

Yin yang moon

I had a birthday.  56 this year; not a major milestone.  I have met people this year who asked me about my age, then said "REALLY, you are that old? And you have a 9 year old?  How did that happen?"  It makes me laugh.  Most days.  My son who is 9; my daughter who is 19.  They keep me young at heart.  Stages and phases, circles and cycles (as Willie Nelson would say).




And with this, was thoughts of family.  Immediate family, extended family, past family, my circle of friends who are close and who are sister-like, my farmer's market group.  I looked at the old slides my father took, going back to the 40's while I made copies of them for my sister and a nephew.

My mother and I, about 1961

Then, an offer came from Ancestry.com to have a free 14 day trial.  Why not, I said to myself.  The new year is starting, my business is at a slow point.  So, I joined.

Funny thing about my family.  My husband can trace his roots back to 1648, when the first "Hubbell" came across the Atlantic.  My side, it stopped, for all intensive purposes, at my grandparents.  I have pictures in boxes "George Moses, sitting in the place he was born".  But WHERE WAS THAT????

I don't know what I hoped to find, but I stared, fascinated, at an on-line copy of my grandfather's draft card. The Bell/Heichelbeck (Heichelbech?) side went further and further back.....  parents who begat children.....the same names......Susan, John, Joseph, Ralph.....over and over....  I traced one set to Germany and France.

Mamie (my paternal grandmother), my Aunt Rosie, and my Greatgrandmother Addie....all on my father's side

My paternal grandfather, Pop

 Then, the other side, the Syrian side.  The family I look like.  "You are just like your grandmother" my mother would say when I picked/dried herbs.  I am short and have the olive skin in summer, the syrian nose.

There was a story that my grandmother entered this country illegally.  There was something intriguing about that story.  A young woman, maybe 13, maybe 18 (depending on which records you want to believe) entering this country on her own.  I could not find where any of my great grand parents came into this country from the Syrian side.  I found where they recorded the people living on my grandparents farm after they bought it.  Census forms, listing names and ages of the children (my mother and aunt and uncles)... a boarder on the farm.....then my Great Uncle Charlie appears on one form living on the farm when he was in his late 20's.  My grandmother had to report on a census that she did not read or write English, and came here in 1913, from where I don't know.  My grandfather reports his home town is Bteghrine   Bits and pieces, come together.

I still have no idea about that side of the family....but the research has made me dream (literally) about the middle east, and wonder about my past, still more.  Will I ever know?  Can I stand some day where my grandparents walked, or will the war there go on forever?

But, the family research has made me think about the past, about who I am.  Who will my children grow up to be.  And what do I want to introduce them to in those family/ethic traditions.  To fulfill a piece of this, I need to go to Austin.....Today.  To the Phoenician Bakery and Deli.  Time to buy me some imported olive oil, eat olives and get some halawa......and let my son sample the olives, too.

And, lets see what has impacted others in our group:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2016/01/20/impacted/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2016/01/strongly-affected-strongly-impacted.html

Kathleen Krucoff ~ http://wp.me/pA5jX-O5

Beth Cyr: http://www.bethcyr.com/blog/

Looking Forward

This screen has been sitting open on my computer for hours while I do other things and think about "looking forward".  And I am torn.  There are things that are going to happen this year as I look forward to the future, they are inevitable, and there are things I am looking forward to happening this year.  Yeah, get the difference?

So, the things that are going to happen whether I like it or not include my wonderful daughter being independent and moving out.  A natural course of events, but still makes me sad.....  talented and wonderful and beautiful.....  her, not me.  And my son getting older and growing up.  Honestly, they were babies.....just yesterday! And this means, of course, that my grey hair is not just premature grey, but I, too am getting older.

But what am I looking forward to as the the mist rises on a new year?

 Well, cooking for one.  The "business" year for me is almost over, so I have some time to read and cook.











And then, since January is pretty slow, I am will be testing new fragrances and scent blends for my soaps.   I will be testing new oils for the soaps, too.  After reading much about palm oil and the devastation of the ecosystem by palm plantations, I want to stop using palm oil in my products.

Gardening is always up there on my list of things I look forward to. Being with my sweet husband and helping him.

 Hanging out with the animals, even when they don't want to hang out with each other.

 And continuing my running.  Each time I have run a 5K, I do better.  I am more a basset hound than a grey hound, but I still enjoy it.

A pretty simple life.  Right now, making chili and listening to the owls outside the window.....looking forward to supper and being with my family.

Peace on earth would be nice, acceptance and non judgement would be, too.

But, I just do what I can in my own little world.....maybe joining the citizen protest of the dumping of wastewater in the creek over our local aquifer............  hmmmm.......














So, now let us see what our other bloggers are looking forward to:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2015/12/20/forward/

marie bell :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2015/12/december-blog-o-sphere-think-tank.html

Kathleen Krucoff ~ https://mysticalmythicalmetalwork.wordpress.com/2015/12/20/what-i-am-looking-forward-to/

Beth Cyr - http://www.bethcyr.com/blog/

Reflections on a trip

A call came from my brother.  I almost could not understand him.  His wife of almost 40 years had died.  All their kids would be there, and my sister from Alaska was flying in.  I made plans to finish works in progress and go to Illinois.  I promised him I would be there for the saying of the rosary  on Friday night.  So, Friday morning, I started my journey, both actual and metaphorical.  825 miles.  Seems like a lot of miles to drive, but sometimes the journey back to where I was raised is even further.

Thirteen hours from when I started, I was in Illinois, hugging my niece and nephews, my brother and sister.  Family friends.  Rosary was said and we convened to the old farmhouse to eat.  Much of our lives there were lived around meals, it seems.  Weddings and funerals, holidays and regular days, all reasons to eat good food.  

The grave was opened and closed by her children and their spouses.  From my father to his son's children, we have dug and filled graves.  And this one was no exception, although a sadder task by far.  A funeral with tears and stories, prayers and the scent of flowers.  Then the meal (again), this time made by the women of the local church.  Food for the body and soul.    

Late night drives back to the motel, across the river, my mind as blurry as the pictures I took.  Early morning breakfasts with my sister and her husband.  Not much sleep to be had, and even when I was in my bed, my mind was too busy to sleep.  Listening and talking, sharing histories, sorting memories.  Rebuilding bridges.  Hoping forgiveness was found for all my faults and hurts that I may have caused.  

Then it was time to go again, back to Texas, to my little farm house and home to my husband and children.  Foggy morning, giving way to skittering leaves with the passing vehicles and roadside hawks watching my passage.

wydwyd

so, I thought a lot about this.....why do I do what I do
and it ran around my brain for a long time
because I am too much in my head sometimes

I talked it over with my husband
who said that is a difficult thing to determine
one is so much more than a single photo

and I talked it over with my sister-friend

and what DO I do
what takes up my time
what give me pleasure
what am I compelled to do
what is a service
what do I do out of love

I mean, I am a wife, a mother
a soapmaker by profession now
a pet owner, a friend
manager of the farmers market
homeschool teacher
volunteer in the community

so why I do some of the things I do
I cannot even put into words

I chose this part of my life
it is not the whole
but one thing I could photograph









Now, lets see why others do what they do:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2015/10/20/wdydwyd/

angelojones :: http://www.pencilfox.com/2015/10/wdydwyd-october-blog-o-sphere-think-tank.html

Kathleen Krucoff:  http://wp.me/pA5jX-Mf

Possibilities for the Future

foam in brushy creek, williamson co, texas

There are moments when I read of tragedies, or political travesties or legal loopholes that shouldn't exist, and I think the world is not a great place.  I see an advertisement for a local vendor who makes a grill seasoning with an objectionable name (one I don't want my 8 yo to read).  My son goes to a kids movie and reports back he didn't like it because of all the "potty" humor.  And I sigh......  our society has lost something. We have lost our respect for ourselves, for the language, for fellow human beings.  For being polite, for letting our children be kids, for taking care of humanity.  Here in Texas, big business comes first over the environment and the people.  Its all roiling around in my head together....the problems of our society and how our children are growing up in it.







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However, as I was thinking about all this, and how I feel like an alien (like an outer space alien, not a "from across the border" alien) in this society, I had a moment, well, actually several hours with a group of teens that made me feel a thousand times better.

You see, my daughter, who we have homeschooled all the way through high school, graduated.  We had a ceremony and dance with her friends.  Now, normally, when one would think of a teen dance as an adult, one would cringe and think all kinds of things might be happening.  However, with this group, it was dancing and eating and laughing and talking.  I talked with many of them about their passions (music, IT stuff, video gaming) and their hopes for the future.  What they want to do and accomplish.  I talked fishing with a young man I have known since he was 2.  He is now 16 and has a girlfriend who loves to fish.  He wants to be a nurse.  His brother wants to work in aquatic biology.  I listened to a young woman who wants to start her own band.  I talked guitars and what music store is the best with several others.  These kids are funny and energetic and smart and have dreams.  They look you in the eye when they talk and are not afraid to have opinions.  It renewed my faith in where the world is going.  I would love to post pictures of these amazing teens, but I respect their privacy.

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And then personally....... the future for me......Getting ready to school my son for the year.  Getting ready for a big show in September.  Getting ready for a 5K in November.  That may not sound like much to some, merely 3 miles, but to me it is BIG. I may be last, but at least I am out there doing it!  And the running a business and homeschooling and loving my family......That is my future...... And maybe I should take a lesson from Kat life. Simplicity, a ball and a box makes his life....and even better....a ball IN a box

Kitkat living the dream

And now, lets see what others are saying:

Andes Cruz: https://andescruz.wordpress.com/2015/08/20/envisionblogosphere/

angelojones: http://www.pencilfox.com/2015/08/the-future-august-blog-o-sphere-think.html

Kathleen Krucoff: http://wp.me/pA5jX-KX

Tosca Teran: http://nanopod.me/2015/08/20/possibilities-future-blog-o-sphere

Diana Bell:  http://bellsprings.blogspot.com/2015/08/possibilities-for-future.html

45 years and some days

Funny, I knew where it was when I took my son there.  My dad had taken pictures of me "pushing" a rock and it was ingrained in my memory.  45 years or so, and I still loved the place.  Elephant Rocks State Park in Central Missouri.  I haven't changed all that much, have I?

William and I climbed and crawled through spaces, a young couple took our picture on the top.  It wasn't until I got home and checked the old slides that I saw we were standing on the same place.  Cool.  

Trip to Illinois.....beginning

Start of the trip

From the train window

On the road to Illinois

On the side of a barn in Horseshoe Lake, Illinois

A storm off in the distance, over farmland

Bridge over the Mississippi

Day three, we are back to Illinois today.